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I’d read about, and heard stories about, throwing sodium into water. It’s a classic thing chemistry students do in college, and based on the reports I have been able to find on the internet, they are often drunk at the time.

While anecdotal evidence would suggest that many people have thrown sodium into the lakes and streams of the world, they have been reprehensibly lax in documenting the results. I could find no reliable, and I stress the word reliable, reports on what actually happens. What reports I did find were contradictory: As you will see, I now know why.